Getting Back to Basics

At the halfway point through the year, I've been thinking about this blog project and kind of reviewing in my head how it has been going.  (Note: I have no idea if today is ACTUALLY halfway through the year, but it's June, and that's the middle of the year, so we're going with it).

Generally, I'm pleased with how things are going.  For one thing, I love being able to write more, and I like that I've managed to garner something of an audience - it may be small, but it's widely varied.  And although I don't write the most witty or heartfelt or fabulous things on a daily basis (see the last two day's posts), my little self-reflection through writing experiment has been proving successful, I think.  When I started this blog, it was because I was unhappy with practically everything in my life, and wanted to make some changes, and I wanted to make myself accountable to those changes.  And I'm definitely happier than I was when I started this blog, so that's a good sign.

But lately, I think I've been getting away from my goal-focus, and I want to change that.  While I like writing witty reflections on daily life, the real point of this blog was to make this a year of living proactively...and I think that lately I've slacked off a bit on the proactive living.  I want to get back to that.

For the most part, I think that I did well in this goal today.  Granted, I didn't get up in time for church (overslept), but I exercised early, worked early, talked to my family and a couple friends, got some Greek studying done, and went to my Bible study tonight.  I like my days to be busy, yet somehow I fall frequently into the internet/tv trap; so I was very pleased with how today went.

In the spirit of proactive living, I've also thrown myself out on a limb in the dating world, which I may reveal more on later...right now you get to live in mystery, but I think it will be good for me.  Now that I've gotten more comfortable and confident with my life here, I want to start pushing myself out of my comfort zone - sometimes to make real change, you have to take some risks.  I also want to get back to reading the Bible on a daily basis - a habit that has ironically fallen by the wayside during my first year of seminary.

So starting tomorrow (let's be real, I'm about to go to bed), I'm going to start focusing on those initial goals again.  Here are the five I'm going to tackle first...

-Build Self-Confidence
-Rejuvenate Relationship with God
-Maintain a Budget
-Exercise Daily/Eat Healthy
-Be More Open

Yep, I'm taking on the big ones.  Bring it on.

3 Month Goal Check-Up

Happy April 3rd.  Can you believe it's already April??  I can't.  These three months have FLOWN by...I'm down to a month left in this semester, I have an internship set up for next year, and I'm registering for classes on Tuesday.  I'm simultaneously almost done my first year, and about to be a senior.  I like the way that sounds.

So, let's do a goal check-up, shall we?

I've actually made progress on almost all of them!

1) Rejuvenate Relationship With God  - I've started doing a daily online devotional in a pact with a friend, and even though I'm not in the habit of doing it everyday, I'm at least thinking of God non-academically.  Baby steps.
2) Get Involved in a Church - Not only have I chosen a church to go to, but I've gotten involved with a women's small group that I really like!  I've also started to go to the traditional service instead of the contemporary service, and that's been a nice change; I'm starting to get a bit burnt out on contemporary worship.
3) Create a Budget - It's made.  I've never actually checked up on if I'm living by it, but mentally I'm pretty sure that I am.  I ought to sit down and do a legitimate check of whether or not I'm keeping to the budget.  In fact, I just did a quick check, and I'm pretty well on track...my balance is a bit lower than I expected it to be at the end of March, but I also wasn't anticipating a $532 bill to the tax bureau (the joys of self-employment).
4) Make Work a Priority - I've been sticking to the work schedule that I set for myself at the beginning of the semester, and I've been doing better about making up work time that I've missed.
5) Get Fit - I've been exercising regularly (semi-regularly lately, I admit), lost roughly 10 pounds, and I've started to notice a change in my physical appearance...and so have other people!
6) Eat Healthy - My portion-sizing skills have gotten WORLD'S better.  And, I've been cooking healthy recipes too, and only eating when I'm hungry (except lately...need to get back on that train).
7) Improve Study Skills - So yes, this slacked at the beginning of the year.  But, I've been staying way more on top of things post-midterms.
8) Build Self-Confidence - In non-concrete ways, this is going well.  I've been paying more attention to my appearance, which is an automatic ego-boost, and I've been being more outgoing and friendly with people, which has also helped.
9) Read for Fun - My friend Miranda lent me a young adult fiction book called Revolution, which is about a girl who goes to Paris and finds a diary from the French Revolution.  It's somewhat dark, and sometimes I want to smack the main character, but it has a really good story going, and it's been a good way to unwind every night.  I'm hoping to stay in this habit.
10) Have Productive Hobbies - Well, I've been trying to cut back on TV and internet lately, does that count?  I say yes.
11) Explore Dallas - Thanks to Hannah's visit, I finally ventured downtown last week.  I guess on the whole, I've been getting out more since last semester, but there's still more to discover!
12) Get Involved in Community - Yeah, this one hasn't been accomplished at all...I get so caught up in schoolwork that it kind of consumes things.  I'm more involved in a church, that can count here too.
13) Be More Open - This is improving too; I've tried to loosen up a bit, and be more accepting of other people as they are, without taking their personalities/actions as an affront to my own happiness and worth...if that makes sense?  It does in my head.
14) Be More Positive - This one was going well, but definitely hasn't been being accomplished lately.
15) Cultivate Strong Relationships - I'm a bit torn about this one...friendships have been something of a struggle for me this semester, but at the same time, I think that I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I don't have to be everyone's best friend to be a worthwhile person.  It's a good realization to come to.

So yes, things seem to be going well!  I think I'll set out some goals for April tomorrow...this post got longer than I expected!!

Julie and Julia...and Celia

Today I had a unique opportunity as a blogger-for-happiness-and-personal-improvement.  When I started this thing in January (already 2 whole months ago, if you can believe that) I had three primary inspirations to take the blogging route as a project of accountability for active change in my life:

1) My sister's assertion that New Year's Resolutions are pointless and that no one ever keeps them...since I had approximately 15 New Year's Resolutions, I  had a great desire to prove her wrong.

2) A recent viewing of Bridget Jones' Diary, wherein a socially awkward single woman decides to take control of her life and keep a diary for a year.

3)  A recent viewing of Julie and Julia, the movie adaptation of the book by Julie Powell, who, feeling like her life was going nowhere and having spent seven years in dead-end temp jobs, made an impulsive decision to cook her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year, and blog about it.

Well blog readers, today I met the source of one of those inspirations.  I met Julie Powell.

Now I say "met" because I did meet her, briefly, as one of many women filing through her book signing line at the SMU Women's Symposium today (which I only attended for the free lunch and to see Julie Powell).  Julie was the keynote speaker at the symposium.  I wasn't expecting to meet her, and I always stumble over what to say to famous people (friends will recall the conversation on Mexican food that I had with the lead singer of Anberlin at an album release party last fall).  I mean, what are you supposed to say, really?  "Hi, you're famous, that's why I'm standing in line to talk to you"?  The whole premise is kind of awkward.  But anyway, I asked her if she had any advice for aspiring writers (which I vaguely consider myself to be).  Her reply: "Do as I say, not as I do...Write through everything, even when you're depressed.  I would go weeks at a time without writing...that's half the battle really, is just pushing your way through."  Happy with this nugget of wisdom, I thanked her enthusiastically for coming to SMU, and wandered off with my signed copy of Julie and Julia.

Julie Powell herself

That's just one small aspect of my encounter with Julie Powell today, though.  Most of what I gained from her was by hearing her speak.  She was an absolute pleasure to listen to; very witty, very down-to-earth, none of that high-and-mighty attitude that you sometimes get with keynote speakers.  The thing that's cool about her is that she's really an accidental celebrity.  She pointed out the obvious today when she said "My thought process was never, 'Oh, I'm going to do this yearlong cooking thing and then write a bestseller, and then one day Nora Ephron will make it into a movie."  She just started doing something personal, for herself, and the rest of the world somehow took notice.  In fact, she said that she doesn't like to talk about the movie because thinking about it "creeps her out."  I can kind of see why...the whole thing was a random, personal project that suddenly launched her into the public fame sphere.  I think it would be totally bizarre to go and see "The Life of Celia" on the big screen, you know?  Or, try imagining this blog in film version (not so sure it would be as big of a hit).

I was interested to find out that the Julia Child cooking project wasn't the first crazy project that Julie embarked on in her life.  Apparently, she has a habit of starting these massive endeavors for no good reason; for example, she decided two weeks before her wedding to give a small handmade gift to each of her 250 guests, and subsequently spent her last two weeks as a legally single person "sculpting lots of tiny, fat naked women."  Things like that.  She said that from the time she was young, she had the idea that happiness was something given to you, something you earned and had to work really hard to get.  Happiness, in her words, was like trying to catch a leprechaun - you can see it off to the side, or know it's right behind you, but as soon as you turned to look at it, it would disappear.  To her, happiness wasn't just something that you had to work towards; you also had to wait for it to appear, and then manage to catch it before it flitted away again.

But now, post-Julie and Julia project, Julie doesn't see happiness this way so much anymore.  Instead, she sees it as something you just have to accept, to let yourself have.  Instead of constantly striving toward the next thing, or looking ahead to all these different things you want to accomplish in order to be "fulfilled", happiness might just be accepting a state of contentment with your present circumstances - being content with the people that are already in your life, with the things that you already have, and with whatever you're doing at the present moment.  Julie said, "happiness didn't come when I was offered a book deal, or when it was made into a movie, or when I got to meet Meryl Streep...even though those are all, objectively, REALLY awesome.  My moment of happiness, at the end of the whole process, was sitting with my husband, eating the last of Julia's recipes, and knowing that I did it."  She also brought up Thomas Jefferson's statement in the Declaration of Independence that everyone has the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" - emphasis on the pursuit.  Don't we always  focus on the "happiness" part of that statement?  Sure, everyone has a right to be happy with their life...but even more, every person has a right to chase after that happiness with their whole being.  Happiness is something to work towards...but that goal is very likely closer than you realize.  And it doesn't necessarily require undertaking massive projects, like cooking 524 complicated French recipes in 365 days.  But, if it does, then go for it.

On the drive home, I was thinking about the advice that Julie gave me about writing - to keep writing, even when it's difficult and when you're depressed and don't feel like it.  I've heard that advice from other writers in  various formats, of course...but putting it in context with the "happiness" theme of the day, I think it is even more pertinent.  To be happy, to live at all, means that you have to keep living, to keep going even when it's difficult and when you're depressed and don't feel like it.  I've spent too many hours laying on my couch, staring at Facebook, wishing my life was different than it is, or that I was happier, or that I was better in such-and-such a way.  That's not living...not living life fully, anyway.

So here's to Julie, who today inspired me as Julia Child in turn inspired her.  I'm going to keep writing, keep going, and keep living...even if it takes a few crazy projects of my own to push myself forward.

Plan of Attack

I've been doing a bit of research on keeping New Years resolutions and achieving goals and other such nonsense (if you call googling research).  Most of them say to not be overly ambitious, not to take on too much, and to be specific.  Looking back at my list, I have 13 very large, very vague goals for the year.  Hmm...

Also, via one of those Facebook "Like" trails, I happened upon the fan page for Michele Connolly, who runs some company called the "Get Organized Wizard".  Now I don't know who Michele Connolly is, but I like her because she's running some sort of special where you can download what is, essentially, a Organize-Your-Life-And-Achieve-Your-Goals yearlong planner-esque journal thing (a $29 value) absolutely free! (Cue dramatic infomercial voice).  If you knew me at all in my junior and senior year of college, you know how I like me some planners.  I had one of those notebook-sized, really intense planners that break the day down into 15 minute segments, allowing you to plan your life down to the amount of time it will take you to walk from your car to your building and accomplish other non-planner-worthy activities.  It was legit.

I've known from the beginning that making lasting and significant changes to practically every area of my lifestyle will require some serious planning.  Furthermore, I acknowledge that there is no way on earth that I will have everything down pat by the end of January.  I fully expect this to be a yearlong project...a good realization, since it apparently takes 66 days to change a habit.

So now I have this journal from this Michele Connolly woman...and it seems quite promising.  And it's full of places to write and fill-in-the-blanks and other journal-y things that make me all excited.  Starting off is a page to list up to 20 goals for the year.  Then, like a planner, it breaks down into consecutive months.  Each month starts off with a page to list five specific goals to work toward during the month.  Each day of the month then has space to list 3 more specific steps to reach these specific goals.  At the end, there's a place to list rewards and such for achieving said goals.  It's crazy, and a bit intimidating in the amount of commitment it will require, but it'll kill the vagueness thing and let me take things in baby steps instead of trying to do everything at once.

At this point, I'm both nervous and excited to have this tool in my hands - nervous about the amount of critical self-examination it will require and excited about the possibility to actually make my goals more achievable.

But, before I do any of this, I need to go back and prioritize those goals in the order I want to work on them. Right now, I think that rejuvenating my relationship with God, getting involved with a church, and exercising more are going to be at the top of the list.

In the meantime, as a practice tool for long-term commitment and dedication, I'm committing to writing on this blog every day of this year (barring extreme unforeseen circumstances where I've been banished to the wilderness and don't have internet access, of course).  So check back often and make sure I'm staying on track!

PS: If you're feeling all ambitious and goal-oriented yourself, you can find the link to Michele Connolly's free journal download here: http://www.facebook.com/GetOrganizedWizard .  We can be insane planning buddies!

See you tomorrow!