Ecrire

J'écris

J'écris des mots anglais, français

J'écris des mots qu'on ne souviendra pas

Je donne des conseils qu'on ne tiendra pas

J'écris à toi

J'écris à moi

J'écris dans une telle façon 

De déguiser les sentiments plus profonds

J'écris pour toi

J'écris pour moi

Les mots me viennent, tiens,

D'une espace dans ma tête 

Ou cachent des mémoires que je regrette,

Ou coulent la colère que je jette

Sur mon écran, encore déguisée

Pour qu'on ne prenne pas d'offense.

Des autres temps, ces mots ont le sens

de rire, sourire, en espérance.

J'écris les mots qui me viennent,

De jour en jour,

comme le day before.

Mais aujourd'hui, les mots m'échappent

Ce n’est pas les mots anglais qui me frappe,

Mais les mots français dans mes pensées.

Tu me demande pourquoi?

Bref, je ne sais pas.

Dis-moi, est-ce toi, tu sais 

D'ou viennent les mots du "day-to-day"?

Moi, je sais, ces mots me viennent

Des coins du l'esprit qui est la mienne.

Aujourd'hui, j'écris français.

Peut-être demain, ce serait anglais.

C'est ca que j'aime beaucoup a propos des langues

Quand les mots s'échappent ma propre langue

Je peux partir dans un autre.

Je peux écrire des mots nouveaux.

Alors, j'écris.

J'écris pour toi.

J'écris pour moi.

Mais d'autrefois,

J'écris.

AAH!!!!

Today I had a terrifying moment where I didn't think I was going to be able to graduate in July of 2012 as planned.

Basically, to make a long story short, I went and talked to the registrar today and discovered that, although the course planning guide I received indicates that only 2 education classes are required for my degree, I actually need 3...and, because so few people are in my degree program at all, there wasn't an additional course for me to take next year.  Essentially, this would mean that I'd have to stick around in Dallas for an entire extra semester for one class; this also had ramifications of a semester without government aid, and the need to take out an additional half-year on my apartment lease or else be stuck in Dallas for 8 months following graduation.  Also, a byproduct of this conversation was that I found out that I had been assigned the wrong advisor at the beginning of the year - they placed me with the Urban Ministries advisor instead of the Christian Education one.  Nice job there, SMU.

And so, in all these revelations, I went on with my natural response to stress as of late: I started crying.  Right there in the registrar's office.

Lovely.

Thankfully, by the grace of God, the woman who is SUPPOSED to be my advisor (and who is currently my professor) wandered by in the hallway at precisely that moment, and came in and joined the conversation (attempting to comfort me in the meantime with many "There there"s and the like).  Suddenly, after a good deal of deliberation, I managed to pull myself together enough to have a coherent thought, and asked if I could do an independent study to complete that requirement.  This idea was received well by my (new) advisor and the registrar, and so that is now the plan.  I will do an independent study in the spring of 2012, and therefore still be able to graduate by August of 2012.

So all's well that ends well, right?

I'm telling you though, I'm sick of this degree program smacking me in the face.  I mean yes, I'm one of the 5% minority of people that is in the CMM program, but that doesn't mean that we don't need courses too.  I'm a bit bitter.

Also, even though I know that everything's fine now, I still FEEL like it isn't fine.  I guess I'll feel better after course registration, and once I figure out the details of this independent study thing.  Baaaaaaaah.  Humbug.

What's worse is that it's the all-too-often moments like these that make me wish I'd gone to Asbury instead...that I'd gotten my application in sooner and gotten a scholarship there instead (which I'm very confident I could have done).  And I'm QUITE tired of regretting that.

OK, rant over.  Thanks for listening.

A Rambley Post With No Concrete Direction

The first day of implemented "reading is my favorite" mentality served me well.  All in all, I'd say that I got somewhere in the neighborhood of 120 pages of reading done for class.  That, my friends, is what we call a marked improvement.  Also, I spent probably an hour doing Facebook/Youtube related things throughout the whole day.  This is another giant improvement.  I also resisted random internet browsing while in class, cooked a vaguely complex baked pasta, did my new daily Bible devotional, straightened my hair, played the guitar, made up hours for my job, and went out to dinner with some women from my class (not in that order).  It's amazing how much time you have when you aren't on the internet all the time.  I feel pathetic saying that, but it's true.

Furthermore, in the course of these class readings, I've been reading Thomas Moore's The Dark Night of the Soul for a report for my "Prayer and Spirituality" class.  In the process, I've been having some major insights into my own dark night through which I am currently traversing, and found some hope in the process.  But, I'm kind of still in the process of developing these thoughts, so I'll get back to you with more details.  Also, I think I've found the opportunity for a wonderful mentor-esque connection with the two women I went to dinner with tonight.  They are at once older/wiser than me (40+ in age), but they're simultaneously my peers as my classmates.  Every time I speak with these ladies, I end up feeling encouraged, revitalized, and affirmed in my presence in seminary.  I'm thinking I ought to spend more time with them.

So the first day back from spring break was highly productive.  Two thumbs up.

Also, Dallas feels like summertime.  Right now, this is beautiful and wonderful, and I get to lay out by the pool and do class reading and wear flip-flops in March.  It's awesome.  But still, I know that the REAL summer of 110+ degrees is yet to come, and I'm not looking forward to that so much.

The only thing I didn't accomplish today that I intended to do was some Wii Fit exercise; ironically, that was replaced with a trip to Backyard Burgers with Kristi and Pam (the aforementioned women of awesomeness), which might not have been the healthiest of things but was super nourishing for my soul.  So that's okay.  I also fell about 20 pages short of reading I hoped to accomplish and didn't get to do a Blackboard post for my church history class, but that's alright.  I already got a lot more done than I usually do...all because I turned this silly computer off.

My New Success Scheme

I have a new scheme for academic success: to make reading my primary hobby.

I've discovered this trend in my life where my primary hobbies have become 1) Facebook, 2) YouTube, and 3) TV.  That's healthy right?  Not so much.  But they're like a vicious cycle of electronic addiction.  I tend to leave my computer open and on all the time because my internet is really finicky for some reason, and the wireless doesn't like to connect to my laptop when I first turn it on, even though the computer is less than 10 feet away from the router.  In order to avoid undue frustration, I just turn my computer on, and leave it on.

The problem with this, though, is that then the internet is ALWAYS there, giving easy access to unproductive hobbies #1 and #2.  And, when I've watched all the YouTube videos I care to, and Facebook gets boring, I turn the TV on in the background to make hobby  #1 more interesting.

See the cycle?

But then, I had this brilliant idea!  Instead of having these pointless things be my hobbies, I'm going to make READING my hobby.  I'm going to make READING be the thing that I do most often, and my go-to activity when I have some length of time to fill.

The beauty of this plan is that I have a GIGANTIC amount of reading to do for classes before the end of the semester, especially if I want to pull my church history grade up from the depths to which I expect that unfortunate midterm has caused it to plummet.  More and more, course reading has become this seemingly insurmountable task, and I avoid school stress by avoiding class reading and trying to get by on the bare minimum.  It doesn't take a genius to know that that's not a good study technique.  But, if I can make studying seem like this cozy time of me snuggling up with a book, it won't seem as intimidating.  That's the theory, anyway.  And, of course, reading will include fun books too, to balance things out.

So, two plans for moving forward.

First, Don't have the computer open unless it's necessary for 1) Classwork, 2) Work work, 3) Skype Dates, or 4) Non-excessive facebook/email/youtube time.  And, of course, blog-writing.

Second, READING IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING TO DO.

A Photo Tour of the World's Largest Gift Store

As Spring Break draws to a close, it becomes necessary for me to make my valiant return to my home on the range (aka, my Dallas apartment).  Phase One typically consists of a 4 hour drive to a hotel in the southwestern corner of Missouri.  Unfortunately, due to persistent and semi-torrential rain, four hours turned into five and a half, as I was forced TWICE to pull of the road and wait out the rain.  The second stop included me walking bitterly around some random Lowe's for half an hour, pricing lawn mowers and water heaters to my parents and generally walking laps around the store while waiting for the rain to subside.  It wasn't all that interesting.

What WAS interesting was my first rain-induced stop: the World's Largest Gift Store.  That's right.  The WORLD'S LARGEST GIFT STORE.

Whether or not this is actually the world's largest gift store is up for debate.  But it was pretty huge:

Just to be clear, that's not actually the whole building...the World's Largest Gift Store is clearly too large for photographs.  

Inside a magnificent assortment of obscure treasures of the gift variety awaited me.  After standing in the store for about 6 seconds, I quickly realized that my unplanned venture into this store would be the most blog-worthy event of my day, and ran back out to my car to get the camera.  Now, for your viewing pleasure, here is what you can purchase at the World's Largest Gift Store...in photographic form.  

These 4ft-tall dolls in Victorian apparel...

This painting that resembles Diane's portrait in Ever After...

This angry garden stepping-stone instructing you to stop being lazy and WEED already...

This ornate brass clock...

A wide selection of animal print/striped/polka-dotted luggage...

This creepy display of realistic-looking fake pets....that "really breathed"...

These tire swings that look like horses...

The Mona Lisa...

This collection of creepy pandas...yay AOII?

A plethora of carved wooden motorcycles...

The world's creepiest Dora the Explorer and Elmo...

An original 1950s Box Car Derby box car...

A tall, armless woman in pink...

A Jesus bank...because Jesus saves, and so should you...

And, the most obscure, irrelevant, and unexpected piece of paraphernalia...

...Lucy's 1940s Cadillac. 

Just to clarify, that's an actual, legitimate car.  I doubt whether it's actually Lucy's cadillac (which would lead me to believe that it's the car they used for filming), but it is a real car.  They had it in this glass room, behind a locked door.  It was odd.  And there's no indication anywhere that you're going to happen upon an antique car...you just turn the corner by a bunch of beanie babies, Twilight posters, and quilted potholders, and suddenly there's a giant car on display.

Weird.

Still, according to the sign outside, none this really matters, because what the World's Largest Gift Store is REALLY famous for...

...is clean restrooms.

For the record, the restrooms weren't all that nice.  But they WERE clean.

Thank you for participating in the photo tour of the World's Largest Gift Store.  Please wait until the tour comes to a complete stop before exiting.  Enjoy your day!

The Baby Gift Quest

I spent nearly the entire day today running all over creation looking for a gift for my new baby cousin, Emile, who my parents will be visiting in New Orleans next week (along with other assorted family members).

Now, on the off chance that someone associated with that group reads this blog post, I cannot actually disclose the object for which we were searching...that would kind of take the surprise element out of the gift.  But, I can tell you that I think it's adorable and lovely.

My mom and I set out on this quest together, following a hearty restaurant breakfast, which served us well even though at that point we didn't know the folly into which we were entering.  In the first store we went to, my mom had the idea for the gift...unfortunately, the item that we were looking at had some imperfections, and so we decided to look for something similar elsewhere.  This quest would take us to the following locations throughout the course of the day:

-Hobby Lobby
-Home Goods
-Marshalls
-Target
-Babies-R-Us
-World Market
-Wal-Mart
-Toys-R-Us
-Bed, Bath, and Beyond
-Weekends Only
-Ashley Furniture
-Seasonal Concepts

Anyone familiar with West St. Louis County will be able to imagine how much gas we used up as we criss-crossed this side of town in its entirety searching for what we (perhaps naively) thought would be an easy product to locate.  By the time we got to Weekends Only, my feet were painfully blistered up from the flats that I was wearing, and my mom and I were both getting tired and frustrated.  It is perhaps for this reason that when an overly persistent salesman started (literally) following us around the store with the usual "My name is so-and-so, welcome to Weekends Only, where everything is blah blah blah, and can I help you find anything today", I started to snap.  I abruptly stopped in place, turned on my heel to face this persistent salesman (almost knocking him out with my left elbow as I stuck my hand dramatically on my hip), and said a bit too emphatically "DO YOU SELL ______ HERE???"  The poor man just blinked at me, and maintaining his overly helpful demeanor, said "Well, you're in the right section if we DID sell those here.  Perhaps I can interest you in..."  Unfortunately, he couldn't interest us in whatever that was, and my mom quickly said "OK, thank you," and we shuffled back out the door.  Unsurprisingly, my mom banished me from going into the last two stores, suggesting instead that I stay in the car and "rest."

Anyway, you'll be happy to know that eventually we DID find the item that we were looking for, after returning home defeated and calling stores all over the area, and then going BACK out to purchase said item. Ironically, the thing we ended up getting is exactly what we first wanted...just from a different store.  And the gift is all adorable, so I suppose our hard work paid off.

Perhaps if you stay tuned to this blog, you'll find out what this mysterious item was.  Ooh...cliffhanger.

Food and Friends

It is a truth universally acknowledged that coming home for Spring Break will result in one gaining back all the weight that one has lost over the course of the past few months.

OK, I don't actually know if that is true...or if that is universally acknowledged.  All I know is that getting together with old friends seems to mean eating inordinate amounts of food while catching up on various details of our lives.

Case and point: I've been home for 5.5 days and have gone out for some sort of ice cream product 4 times.

I really don't need to say much more, do I?  Still, blogs are meant to be written upon, so I shall tell you of the various adventures of my day.

I started off the day eating lunch at California Pizza Kitchen with my friend Nick the Weatherman.  Nick belongs to the "Nick-and-Ashley" combination that together make up the surviving remnant of my middle school acquaintance.  I call him "Nick the Weatherman" because a weatherman is what he is aspiring to be, and he occasionally gives forecasts for Columbia, MO's NBC affiliate, and I have every confidence that he'll get a job as a meteorologist one day.  Nick has that way of pursuing his dreams in a practical and diligent fashion that makes dreams seem actually achievable.  He blogs about various weather events, and you can read about them here if you so desire.  

Anyway, I ate an ever-delicious Thai Crunch salad while brainstorming cities for Nick to send out resumes to in his continuing job hunt, and generally catching up on one another's lives.  And, because no Nick/Celia gathering is complete without ice cream, we followed our lunch with a trip to Oberweis Dairy (an ice cream place that also sells milk).  Naturally,  I chose the ever-healthy option of a chocolate-dipped waffle cone with chocolate and peanut-butter ice cream.  OK, not ever-healthy...but in my defense, it WAS the "small"...though, if what I ordered was the small, I never want to see the large.  Anyway, the draw of Oberwies is that they have chess boards on their tables, providing boundless entertainment for the chess non-officianados that Nick and I are.  I won, by a total fluke (although Nick and I are evenly matched, it's because both of us don't play with any sort of concrete strategy, so Nick still acquired most of my pieces in the meantime).  Things are even though, because Nick beat me at "flash chess", which was my newly invented game of chess where you take all the pawns off the board and just play with the interesting pieces.  It's like what happens to chess once the pawns have rebelled against the monarchy in revolution, and the monarchial bodies are left to fend for themselves without the help of their peasant army.  Anyway, Nick won that round.

So those were my early-afternoon food and social adventures.

Then I got my hair cut.  Less interesting than it sounds.

The evening consisted of a Chinese-food dinner with my best friend Jessica (General Tso's for me), which neither of us could finish in its entirety.  Still, that didn't stop us from bopping off to McDonalds for ice cream cones, which we ate at a nearby park, then wandered over to the adjacent elementary school playground where we sat on the swings and talked forever.  The sky seemed extra-huge tonight, making me feel extra small, and sitting there under the expanse of the dark blue sky on the swings of an elementary playground and talking to a friend that I've known since I was eleven years old, all the trouble and stress and worry of my life seemed less significant.  It's funny how sometimes feeling small can make you feel better.  And there's something to be said for sitting out in the open air in the place you grew up with a childhood friend.  Everything just seems better.

Last day at home tomorrow.