Julie and Julia...and Celia

Today I had a unique opportunity as a blogger-for-happiness-and-personal-improvement.  When I started this thing in January (already 2 whole months ago, if you can believe that) I had three primary inspirations to take the blogging route as a project of accountability for active change in my life:

1) My sister's assertion that New Year's Resolutions are pointless and that no one ever keeps them...since I had approximately 15 New Year's Resolutions, I  had a great desire to prove her wrong.

2) A recent viewing of Bridget Jones' Diary, wherein a socially awkward single woman decides to take control of her life and keep a diary for a year.

3)  A recent viewing of Julie and Julia, the movie adaptation of the book by Julie Powell, who, feeling like her life was going nowhere and having spent seven years in dead-end temp jobs, made an impulsive decision to cook her way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year, and blog about it.

Well blog readers, today I met the source of one of those inspirations.  I met Julie Powell.

Now I say "met" because I did meet her, briefly, as one of many women filing through her book signing line at the SMU Women's Symposium today (which I only attended for the free lunch and to see Julie Powell).  Julie was the keynote speaker at the symposium.  I wasn't expecting to meet her, and I always stumble over what to say to famous people (friends will recall the conversation on Mexican food that I had with the lead singer of Anberlin at an album release party last fall).  I mean, what are you supposed to say, really?  "Hi, you're famous, that's why I'm standing in line to talk to you"?  The whole premise is kind of awkward.  But anyway, I asked her if she had any advice for aspiring writers (which I vaguely consider myself to be).  Her reply: "Do as I say, not as I do...Write through everything, even when you're depressed.  I would go weeks at a time without writing...that's half the battle really, is just pushing your way through."  Happy with this nugget of wisdom, I thanked her enthusiastically for coming to SMU, and wandered off with my signed copy of Julie and Julia.

Julie Powell herself

That's just one small aspect of my encounter with Julie Powell today, though.  Most of what I gained from her was by hearing her speak.  She was an absolute pleasure to listen to; very witty, very down-to-earth, none of that high-and-mighty attitude that you sometimes get with keynote speakers.  The thing that's cool about her is that she's really an accidental celebrity.  She pointed out the obvious today when she said "My thought process was never, 'Oh, I'm going to do this yearlong cooking thing and then write a bestseller, and then one day Nora Ephron will make it into a movie."  She just started doing something personal, for herself, and the rest of the world somehow took notice.  In fact, she said that she doesn't like to talk about the movie because thinking about it "creeps her out."  I can kind of see why...the whole thing was a random, personal project that suddenly launched her into the public fame sphere.  I think it would be totally bizarre to go and see "The Life of Celia" on the big screen, you know?  Or, try imagining this blog in film version (not so sure it would be as big of a hit).

I was interested to find out that the Julia Child cooking project wasn't the first crazy project that Julie embarked on in her life.  Apparently, she has a habit of starting these massive endeavors for no good reason; for example, she decided two weeks before her wedding to give a small handmade gift to each of her 250 guests, and subsequently spent her last two weeks as a legally single person "sculpting lots of tiny, fat naked women."  Things like that.  She said that from the time she was young, she had the idea that happiness was something given to you, something you earned and had to work really hard to get.  Happiness, in her words, was like trying to catch a leprechaun - you can see it off to the side, or know it's right behind you, but as soon as you turned to look at it, it would disappear.  To her, happiness wasn't just something that you had to work towards; you also had to wait for it to appear, and then manage to catch it before it flitted away again.

But now, post-Julie and Julia project, Julie doesn't see happiness this way so much anymore.  Instead, she sees it as something you just have to accept, to let yourself have.  Instead of constantly striving toward the next thing, or looking ahead to all these different things you want to accomplish in order to be "fulfilled", happiness might just be accepting a state of contentment with your present circumstances - being content with the people that are already in your life, with the things that you already have, and with whatever you're doing at the present moment.  Julie said, "happiness didn't come when I was offered a book deal, or when it was made into a movie, or when I got to meet Meryl Streep...even though those are all, objectively, REALLY awesome.  My moment of happiness, at the end of the whole process, was sitting with my husband, eating the last of Julia's recipes, and knowing that I did it."  She also brought up Thomas Jefferson's statement in the Declaration of Independence that everyone has the right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" - emphasis on the pursuit.  Don't we always  focus on the "happiness" part of that statement?  Sure, everyone has a right to be happy with their life...but even more, every person has a right to chase after that happiness with their whole being.  Happiness is something to work towards...but that goal is very likely closer than you realize.  And it doesn't necessarily require undertaking massive projects, like cooking 524 complicated French recipes in 365 days.  But, if it does, then go for it.

On the drive home, I was thinking about the advice that Julie gave me about writing - to keep writing, even when it's difficult and when you're depressed and don't feel like it.  I've heard that advice from other writers in  various formats, of course...but putting it in context with the "happiness" theme of the day, I think it is even more pertinent.  To be happy, to live at all, means that you have to keep living, to keep going even when it's difficult and when you're depressed and don't feel like it.  I've spent too many hours laying on my couch, staring at Facebook, wishing my life was different than it is, or that I was happier, or that I was better in such-and-such a way.  That's not living...not living life fully, anyway.

So here's to Julie, who today inspired me as Julia Child in turn inspired her.  I'm going to keep writing, keep going, and keep living...even if it takes a few crazy projects of my own to push myself forward.

Good Things

Happy First Day of March!  Here are some good things that happened to start off the month:

-Slept in late
-Cinnamon bagel and cream cheese
-Carpet padding replaced, bringing post-flood maintenance work down to just repainting
-98% and two "brilliants" on my New Testament paper
-Entertaining video in my Education class (instead of a boring one like usual)
-Interesting Church History Lecture (we're finally talking about European history, which I find much more interesting than ancient Greek stuff)
-Deposited a paycheck
-Chicken and pasta for dinner while watching "Chopped"
-Feeling good about my midterm on Thursday
-Doing step aerobics with the Wii Fit while watching "Private Chefs of Beverly Hills" on Food Network

:)

Choice

Today a YouTube video popped into my head that I hadn't watched for awhile.  It's a silly little video - two fairly average people singing a song with silly hand motions and facial expressions and things.  In the description, they describe it as "an unpretentious little song on the choices of life."  Yet somehow, despite its ridiculousness, it manages to have a deeper message that haunted me for weeks after I first saw this video, and I still find myself remembering it from time to time (like today).

Like many things in my life, it's in French.  Sorry anglophones.  The video has fairly decent subtitles on it (although "When you grow up" would be a better translation than "When you'll be older").  If you understand French the effect will be better, but what can you do.  Francophone or not, I invite you to watch it here:



Comme tu vois tout est ecrit d'avance 
Pour toi; pas besoin d'intelligence.
Tu as le choix d'aller ou on te dit.
C'est comme ca; bienvenue au paradis des hommes.

As you see, everything is already laid out
for you; no need to think about it.
You have the choice to go where they tell you to go.
That's how it is; welcome to human paradise.

If there's one thing that post-college life is filled with, it's choices.  Obviously, the choice about what you're going to do after graduation, which necessarily leads into where you're going to live, what job you're going to get, what apartment you're going to live in, what graduate course of study you're going to pursue, what long-term goals you want to be working towards, what you're going to cook for dinner, what TV show you're going to watch to procrastinate your homework, what politician you think is a joke, what politician you want to put unrealistic hopes in, who your new friends are going to be...what you're going to DO with your life.

I have a somewhat unhealthy preoccupation with what I'm going to DO with my life.  That seems to be the phrase adopted by recent college graduates.  Once you get handed your diploma and the socially expected and essentially predestined path for the first 22 years of the middle-class American life, the question on everyone's mind is "What now?"  Welcome choices to the stage.

Every kid is excited to grow up so that they can do whatever they want.  What this video made me think is this: how much choice do we REALLY have?  Really?  I'm not espousing some intense theology of predestination here, nor am I suggesting that we're all just robots walking around.  What I'm thinking is that maybe the decisions that we think make us unique don't make us so super unique after all.  Even worse, it's insanely easy for that which is unusually unique in us to be suppressed by other people's expectations.  Our society is so dualistic that you end up choosing sides instead of maintaining your unique ideas - are you a Republican or a Democrat?  A believer or an atheist?  What happens when you fall somewhere in the middle?  You confuse people.

You have the choice to go where they tell you to go.

Welcome to human paradise.

Lately I've been having major issues of vocation.  Almost every other day, I doubt whether or not seminary was the right choice for me.  I question my motivation for enrolling, I question my motivation for pursuing a ministry career, and I constantly question the depth of my faith.  I've been wondering lately whether all these doubts and questions arise from the fact that this stage in my life is requiring me to be the most individual I've ever had to be.  I'm living alone instead of within 500ft of my closest friends, I'm working toward a vague European ministry goal in North Texas where all  international ministry is oriented toward Hispanic countries, I'm at a seminary yet I'm not going for ordained ministry, I go to church alone, I have a job that almost no one understands, I'm studying Christian Education but don't want to lead church educational ministries.  I could list more, but that's a handful right there.

Here's the thing though:  what you're going to DO with your life is made up of what you're going to DO with today.  That was cheesy, but I said it.  And it's true.  A life is made up of a ton of individual days.  Still, it's so easy to get caught up in the little choices that don't really matter (a chop of beef or a fillet of whiting for dinner?).  Face it people: the people who you allow to influence your choices influence your whole life.  Where are your goals coming from?  Your passions and interests?  Your parents' expectations?  A social fable of "success"?  Where did your ideas come from? Are you reciting what you learned at school, or in church?  Are they based on the latest Hollywood trend?

I have several friends (and to an extent, can include myself in this group) who had big dreams of doing big things, but chose graduate school instead because it's more "practical" and more "predictable."  It's the "safe" choice.  And graduate school is good; Lord knows that in this economy a Master's degree is better than a Bachelor's degree if you're trying to get a good job.  But I'll admit to you, grad school was, for me, a safety net.  Another few years of school?  Been there, done that.  It's predictable.  It makes sense.

But what happens after the grad school security blanket gets pulled away?  Will I still have those big dreams, or will I fall back on yet another "safe" option.  Will I spend my life doing what is expected of me by society, by family, by classmates?  Or will I spend my life doing what I feel called to do, what I want to do?

Do I let people influence my major life decisions in the same way I let them influence the little ones?

It makes you think.

Breakdown #2,753

Upset again.  Don't particularly want to talk about it.  I'm all talked out, as a matter of fact.

And, it's after midnight, because I spent the whole of the evening 1) Drowning my sorrows in IHop Nutella Crepes, 2) Watching the Oscars, and 3) Writing a silly one-page reflection paper for my class tomorrow.

And now you know.  More later.

Exhausted...again.

Remember how I promised you an exciting post tonight?  Yeah.  That's not happening.  Once again, I find myself blogging under total exhaustion.  I wound up going over to a friend's house and watching movies all night, and didn't get back until just now (midnight-ish).  I think I'm going to have to come up with a better time frame for blog-writing...this right-before-bed thing hasn't been cutting it lately.

I'll just leave you with some highlights of the day, and a vow to be a better blogger from now on...

-Carpet is DRY!!!!
-Studied at the Library for like 5.5 hours
-Dinner at Genghis Grill
-Bridget Jones Diary and Stardust movie night

Aaaaaaaand, that's it.  I promise to become more interesting soon...getting back on a normal sleep schedule should help with that...please don't abandon me, oh faithful readers!

Is that an olive branch in that dove's mouth?

The carpet is starting to dry!!!!  Sound the trumpets and kill the fattened calf (unless you're a vegetarian, then go kill the fattened cabbage or something).

Hopefully, this is the beginning of the end of the flood saga.  Although, I'm starting to get used to my dysfunctional living room furniture arrangement and strange men coming in and out of my apartment at all hours of the day.  Still, this can end anytime.

Mostly, I'm ready to be able to cook in my apartment again!!  The kitchen is too dirty from construction dust to cook in, and I'm still not clear on if I'm allowed to use my dishwasher or not...and, since the sink is piled up with draining tubes from the dehumidifier and work rags, I'm not too keen on washing dishes by hand at the moment. In the meantime, healthy eating habits have all but gone out the window, as my diet has turned to McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Chipotle, and Raising Canes, plus a hearty Tex-Mex dinner in the past few days.

I vaguely considered doing the Wii Fit tonight, but then I sat on my couch and sang along to YouTube karaoke videos instead.  Yeah.  I'm super cool.

Happily, I WAS productive today!  I made up two hours of work that I'd slacked off on ($33 in earnings, baby!), and I made a really good start on my New Testament midterm study guide.  Tomorrow I'm planning to hop back over to the library...I've found that I'm particularly productive if I'm working in the red room, which (as it's name suggests) is all bright red and energetic, unlike the blue room of tranquility and the green room of cheerfulness - although these are also good rooms, I spent too much time in them last semester and now they're tainted with an aura of stress.  Red room is where it's at.

I wish I had some profound thoughts for you....sadly, my life has reached a monotony that hasn't been conducive to creativity.  Tomorrow's post should be more interesting...I have something I want to write about, but I'm too tired to write about it just now.  I'll just leave you on that cliffhanger...

(PS, if you understood the reference in the title, and its relevance to this post, you get bonus Bible points.)

Meh.

I'm sick of talking about this stupid flood, so all I'll say is that maintenance work continues.

Today was the first day I got a good night's sleep since last Friday...MUCH needed.  My day was comprised of maintenance men observance, classes, tex-mex with a friend, and a phone call home.  Now I'm watching Spirited Away again, and have nothing wonderful to say to you blog-readers.  The flood has me all out of whack; I'm lazy about schoolwork, and have been slacking off on my job as well. 

Here's a trailer for "Spirited Away," if you haven't seen it...maybe that will make this post more interesting....

Until tomorrow...