The Final Tally.

Well, it's December 31, 2011.  You know what that means.

My year of blogging has drawn to a close.

When I started out on this project, my goal was to give myself some means of accountability to those pesky New Years Resolutions that people like to make, given that I had quite a lot of them.  Although this blog evolved into less of a commentary on the self-improvement adventure and more into a writing outlet for general reflection, I think it only right that we take a look back at those resolutions, and see what's changed.  Because I like order and list-making, each resolution will be given one of the following labels: Achieved, Progress Made, or Not Yet Achieved.

So here we go!

1) Getting Fit

Well, the grand weight loss total for those of you keeping score at home is...wait for it...5 lbs.  YEAH baby!! To be fair, I actually lost about 12 pounds in the first half of the year, and then gained back 7 in the second half of the year.  But, I'm about 5 lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of the year, and that's something.  More specifically, that's a shirt size.  I also acquired some good exercise tools, including the purchase of a Wii Fit and Just Dance game, found some workout buddies, and gave my SMU fitness center membership a whirl.  All of these things could probably stand to be used a bit more, but I think this year has put some substantial tools in my toolbox.  With an arsenal of entertaining workout equipment and an overall loss of weight throughout the year, I think that although I may not have attained massive fitness change, I have set myself on the right path and given myself a good starting point for future fitness endeavors.  Therefore, PROGRESS MADE.

2) Eating Healthier

Let's be real, people.  I'm still not the healthiest of eaters.  I still have a weakness for Nutella and occasionally bake and eat an entire batch of cookies over the course of a week.  But, that being said, overall I've noticed that my general portion sizes have actually gone down, as far as most meals are concerns.  Furthermore, I've become less inclined to eat when I'm not hungry and more inclined to wait until I'm hungry to eat a meal.  Also, my present job provides me with a free nutritious lunch every day I go into work, courtesy of the senior citizens' nutrition program that the church hosts.  So, like the "Get Fit" resolution, I'm feeling pretty good about the reorienting that has happened this year; I may not be a super-health-freak, but I'm also not overeating quite as much.  Ergo, PROGRESS MADE.

3) Rejuvenating Relationship with God

To be very, very frank, this was probably the hardest resolution for me to keep.  Ironic, since I'm a seminary student.  I think this is a result of two things: first, the academicizing of God brought on by my school assignments, and secondly, my personal tendency to want to control everything about my life and contingent difficulty in trusting God for things.  However, recently (and I mean VERY recently, as in less than a month), I've started to move in a good direction with this, thanks to guidance from my internship mentor and others.  So, although I would have hoped for this resolution to have gotten more attention, I think it's fair to label it as PROGRESS MADE.

4) Getting Involved in a Church

This resolution was actually ACHIEVED with flying colors.  Within a month or two of the start of the year, I started regularly attending a weekly Bible Study comprised of five other women, and it's possibly one of the best things I could have done.  Although it took some work for me to become fully comfortable with myself and a lot of dedication to continue going even when I felt awkward (there's a lot of church baggage in my past), I'm so thankful for these women and for the opportunity the group gives me to talk about God in a context that isn't being graded.  For awhile, I was semi-regularly attending the local church out of which this Bible Study is based, but since I began working at another church in August I've obviously begun attending there and, equally obviously, got very involved with that church.  So thanks to pushing myself out of my comfort zone and thanks to my masters' program requirements, I am now more involved in a church than I have ever been previously.  Two thumbs up for resolutions achieved!

5) Being a Better Student

This resolution mostly boils down to the task of actually completing the majority of the readings assigned to us, and completing them in a timely fashion.  Although I'm not so sure how it happened, this past semester I completed nearly all the readings for two of my classes - the other class, I realized very early on, tested entirely from lecture notes, and therefore this reading regularly got chopped in favor of other classes that were more text-based.  But I came out of the semester with a 4.0 term GPA and a 3.976 cumulative GPA, which sets me up nicely for the possibility of a summa cum laude graduation in May.  I also got into the habit of having regular "study" days, created by the natural rhythm of balancing work, class, and homework, and that has been a really good thing.  So being a better student, and not just sliding by on a minimum amount of work has been wonderfully ACHIEVED.

6) Being a Better Employee

This goal was actually written in reference to my previous home-based job, which I quit in July.  But, carrying it over to my current job, I've found myself continually pushing myself out of my comfort zone in order to do the best job that I can, and biting the bullet of intimidating tasks head-on.  I've meshed really well with my current congregation, despite ethnic differences, and I've created projects from the ground up.  I have also found increasing clarity of vocation and now have a better idea of what sorts of jobs I will be applying for post-graduation (and have applied to several).  So being a better employee: ACHIEVED.

7) Being More Open

I defined this goal as "not holding grudges or judging people."  Honestly, this probably still needs some work. But, to open up the definition of "open," my current job allows me to interact with all sorts of people that I would never have previously had the opportunity to interact with, being an ethnically and economically diverse church.  I've established relationships with people of all colors, ages, and incomes, and I feel that I've grown significantly in seeing the beauty in people, regardless of their background.  So overall, I'll say that there has been PROGRESS MADE...even if I need to work on letting go of grudges every now and then.

8) Being More Confident

This was a good one.  I don't know how much you can plan to be confident, but different circumstances throughout the year certainly improved my general confidence here in Dallas.  I specifically think of my summer Greek class as a breaking point with this, when I built a general camaraderie with my classmates despite not knowing anyone in the class previously.  I also learned a bunch about dating/relationships, and have stopped "giggling like a moron when conversing with men," as my original resolution dictated (in most cases, anyway).  I've also become more vocal in class discussions and become comfortable as a young white women in a work context of multigenerational Filipino families.  So being more confident...that's been ACHIEVED, I should think.

9) Reading for Fun

In evaluating this goal, let's name off the non-assigned books that I've read this year, shall we?  We have, in no particular order, the entire Chronicles of Narnia, the entire Hunger Games trilogy, Revolution (a young adult novel) two or three mystery novels by Agatha Christie, The Great Gatsby, and smatterings of Pride and Prejudice and The Brothers Karamazov.  I think I'm missing some, but that's all I can think of at the moment.  I also got a Kindle for Christmas, so more fun reading is on its way, starting with Life of Pi.  So reading for fun: ACHIEVED.

10) Having Productive Hobbies

This goal might be understood as doing things besides sitting around on the internet and watching all day (very tempting pursuits when one lives alone).  Throughout this year, I've majorly improved my cooking skills just by the natural need to eat, continued playing the guitar, started out on crafting sprees, and recently ordered a professional keyboard.  But, I do still spend an inordinate time on the internet.  So let's say that there has  been PROGRESS MADE, but I'm looking forward to finding more creative ways to fill my time.

11) Exploring Dallas

Thanks to a DART pass and equally exploration-oriented friends, this has been ACHIEVED with fanfare.  In the past year I've located free sushi downtown, explored the West End, discovered the wonder that is Fort Worth, experienced a real Texas rodeo, attended a murder mystery dinner, savored fried foods of all kinds at the State Fair, and groomed horses on a classmate's farm.  I've heard lectures by Julie Powell and the Dalai Lama, and seen Laura Bush in person (and David Freese, though he's in fact in St. Louis).  I've also eaten at all sorts of restaurants and discovered back roads to avoid that notorious Dallas traffic.  Hooray for exploring cities!

12) Getting Involved in Community

I actually never made any concerted efforts to get more involved in the community...but, my current job has given me several opportunities to do so, such as helping with food distribution for the underprivileged and getting to know some of the residents at a local senior citizens center.  I also started regularly contributing to my home church's Ghana mission project, after reading The Hunger Games and realizing that, if those books were reality, I would be one of those frivolous Capital people (read the books and then you'll get the analogy).  Anyway, this discovery was convicting enough to jump start me into regular giving, which has helped me get involved in the worldwide community in an effective way.  So even if it occurred in a roundabout way, this goal has been ACHIEVED...but could obviously always have more added to it.

13) Being More Positive

I think that this blog has really helped me to have a more positive outlook on things...the entire purpose of this blog was, originally, to stop moping and griping about my depressing circumstances, and do things to actively change them.  I think that it has done that.  I've also come out of the particularly dark night that I was experiencing at the beginning of the year, most likely thanks to God more than anything.  But overall, my happiness level is much higher now than it was at this time last year.  I'm also more aware of the blessings that I have in my life, and that always helps the positivity too.  I still get stressed out, and I still get sad, and I still get angry, but overall I'm more optimistic.  So positivity = ACHIEVED.


Time for the final count:

Goals Achieved: 8
Progress Made: 5
Goals Not Achieved: 0

I'd call that a success, wouldn't you?  Especially notice that none of the goals were not at least achieved in part...who says you can't keep New Years Resolutions?  The funny thing is that, after awhile, I stopped tracking the resolutions.  In fact, until I just reviewed the list, I didn't know that I had really achieved any of them.  So this was a nice surprise.

And now here we are...the end of a journey.  Numerically, I've acquired 17 followers, but I know that there are many more of you out there who have been traveling this journey with me by reading this blog, and I want to thank you.  Really.  If nothing else, knowing that people actually READ this thing guilt-tripped me into writing even when I didn't really feel like it (even if it was just a one-liner cop-out blog).  Even more important, though, writing this blog has given me a writing outlet, and let me see that my writing can be a source of inspiration, contemplation, and entertainment for others, which is an especially pleasing discovery given that I'm something of an aspiring writer.

So what will become of this blog?  As the URL indicates, this blog was conceived as a self-portrait for the year 2011...yet, as of 22 minutes ago, it is 2012.  Nonetheless, throughout the last year this blog has evolved along with me, and I don't see any reason to abandon it now, particularly when it provides me with a public place to write.  So here's the plan: I will continue writing, but I won't write every day.  I know that you'll miss those days when my posts are all about eating a grilled cheese sandwich and watching Friends on TV, but let's face it, some days I just don't have anything to write about.  And I think that's okay.  And now that I'm released from my write-every-day covenant (which, by the way, was also achieved), I'm going to write when I feel led to write.  The year may have ended, but another year lays on the horizon.

So keep checking back every so often, faithful readers.  The story's not over yet. :)

Eye Doctors

Today I went to the eye doctor for the first time in 11 years, because for some freak reason I started to have blurred vision in my left eye.

It was strange.

The cause of the drama is uncertain...I thought it was a scratched cornea (via a straw wrapper haphazardly thrown in jest), but eye-doctor-man said it looked more "toxic" - which, by the way, is not a comforting word to hear from the person examining your eye.  After the word "microblister" was thrown around substantially, I was sent off with eye drops and instructions to use them every half hour until I go to sleep, and theoretically things will be better in the morning.  Let's hope so, since I've got a travel day ahead of me.  And I prefer to keep my eye examinations a decade apart, so overnight healing would be for the best.

The emergency medical appointment actually afforded a lot of humor and sister bonding, and was followed by an evening of Chinese takeout, The Art of Getting By from Redbox, frozen custard, and playing Lego Harry Potter on Xbox.  And before the bizarre eye incident, my parents took me to lunch.  So actually, it was a pretty good day overall.  Wish I had a couple more days here, but it will be good to get back to Dallas too.

Only one more day in 2011!  Weird, isn't it?

Vacation

Video games, ice cream, and roast beef sandwiches filled the day.

This is vacation.

Today.

Today's notable event was successfully sighting Cardinals player and World Series MVP David Freese pulling out of his driveway.  That was exciting.

Also ate French food with my best friend.  That was good.

Saw Christmas lights with my family.  That was also good.

And that's that.

Breathe

Merry Christmas!

Today was the family day-late Christmas.  It was all very merry :)

Like most holidays, however, I don't particularly feel like writing an elaborate post about it...I feel instead like spending time with my family whom I rarely see.

So Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Merry Christmas (And Pseudo-Christmas Eve)!

Today started off like a normal work day, and really felt very much like any Sunday at work except that I told everyone "Merry Christmas" instead of "Good Morning".  I went to the worship service, hung out with some middle schoolers, and led a bunch of kids in the weekly fellowship lunch/games time.  Then, I went back home, hung around for a couple hours, threw my suitcase in the car, and drove off to the airport.

You would think that flying on Christmas would feel really strange, but it felt just like any other trip to the airport.  Surprisingly, my flight was completely full.  But, since I was one of the very first people to board the plane, I got a seat in the front row, and had sooooooo much leg room.  It was fantastic.  The leg room bonus even made up for the fact that the woman next to me was treating the plane seat like a La-Z-Boy and therefore infringing upon my personal space.  And, after an hour and a half, I arrived to an all but deserted airport terminal in St. Louis and literally ran across the terminal to my family, the only ones waiting to pick anyone up.  There may have been some tears.

Once we arrived back home, everything shifted into "Christmas Eve" mode...that is, all our family Christmas Eve traditions occurred, even though it's technically a day late.  This includes eating a bunch of shrimp and wearing new Christmas pajamas (which my dad had bought my sister and I as a surprise), and generally hanging about appreciating one another's presence.  Then I wrapped all of the gifts I had shipped to the house, plopped them under the tree, and here I am.  All ready to start Christmas while everyone else's Christmas is ending.

So Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve!

Porch Kitty came to visit today...

I've spotted her sleeping on my patio chair a couple of times before, but this is the first time that she didn't run away as soon as I opened the blinds.  In fact, she stayed curled up on the chair asleep for a good half hour or so before she suddenly vanished.  Just call it a Christmas miracle :)

I spent the day lounging about as usual, until I went to work in the evening.  It was sort of bittersweet.  Obviously, I'd prefer to be with my family on Christmas Eve instead of eating a frozen dinner and watching A Christmas Story on TV, but at the same time I realized and appreciated that I was getting to be a part of something special by staying in Dallas for my internship.  Every other Christmas Eve of my life has been spent in a white suburban church...this year I spent it with about 200 Filipino people.  Between a little girl running up and excitedly telling me that this is her first Christmas in America, and singing a verse of Silent Night in Tagalog, I realized what a truly unique and wonderful situation I have found myself in.  I could have wound up in any number of white suburban churches in Dallas similar to my home congregation for my internship...but I ended up working closely with a people group that I had no prior experience with, but which I have come to love.  This time last year, I never would have pictured my Christmas Eve looking like this.  But if I can't be with my family, I'm glad to have been able to spend it like this.  

Merry Christmas, everyone!  (Or, Maligayang Pasko, I should say)

Christmas Eve photo
(carrying on the family tradition even
without the family)

Natanaw na, sa silangan
Ang talang patnubay
Ng gabing katahimikan
Nang ang Sanggol sa lupa'y isinilang
Ng Birheng matimtiman
Sa hamak na sabsaban.


O Liniwag, o tanglaw
Ng gabing kay inam
tulog na o, Sanggol na hirang
Hilig ng sa sutlang kandungan
Ng Birheng matimtiman
Ikaw ay aawitan.

Christmas Eve Eve!

It's two days before Christmas.  I spent an hour at work stuffing 300 candles into 300 candle holders for tomorrow's Christmas Eve service.

Time to get into the holiday spirit...

A Christmas Story

Tonight I want to share something that I did not write, but something that I think is worth sharing...

"A Christmas Story" - by David Maldonado, Jr.

A child is born in a new land, born of humble immigrants who seek nothing more than life and hope for tomorrow.

The young couple grabs what they can carry with them and sets out in the dark night. They leave familiar surroundings, as well as their home, friends and family. They expect their first born and wish the child could be born at home surrounded by their community. However, for the sake of the child, the young couple knows they must leave, so they walk out into the cold and dangerous desert night. It is a huge risk for them to leave, but it is also a leap of faith. They hope the land to which they are going will be a life-saving, life-sustaining place.

As they make their way through the darkness, guided only by a sea of brilliant stars, they wonder what their future holds for them and their child. It is their hope for the child that keeps them focused and determined on their trek. They are afraid. They know robbers sometimes attack travelers in the night and in the desert. What if they are caught in the night? Will they be arrested and treated as common criminals? Will they be sent back to their homeland?

Fears have a way of immobilizing some people. But for this young expectant couple, fear drives them even deeper into the night. What they fear the most is life without hope, life without a future for their new family. In their whispers, they encourage each other and pray their child will be born in the new land of hope. They must arrive in their new land before daybreak.

But that is not to be. The child can no longer wait to be born. They are now well into their new land. They know no one here, and their surroundings look strange and foreign. Where can they go for the birth of their child? Who will welcome them and offer hospitality? They knock on the first door they see. The lights are on and the house looks welcoming. They see the curtains move and a face peeking out to see who is knocking on the door. But the door does not open. They hear the voice of a woman inside.

“Who is it?” she asks in a whisper. A male voice from within the house responds in a loud, irritated voice as if wanting to be heard by the travelers standing outside the door.

“Oh, nobody—just some foreigners probably looking for a handout,” the man answers. “They should go back to where they came from.”

The young couple, hearing the voices, keeps going. They are determined to survive. They come to yet another house with its lights still on.

“Maybe they will be more welcoming,” cries the young, pregnant woman. This time, the door opens slightly.

“Who are you? What do you want? Where are you from?” the voice calls from within the slightly opened door.

“We just arrived, and our child is ready to be born,” responds the young father-to-be. “We are not from here. We are not asking for charity. All we need is for our child to be born safely. I am willing to work to repay you for your kindness.”

“Humph! Some more of them. They just cause problems for the rest of us. I wish they would stop coming. I wish they would just leave. Our whole town is changing because of them, but I could sure use his cheap labor in the morning. They are good workers. Hope nobody is looking,” thinks the man from behind the door.

With a suspicious glare, the man yells, “OK, you can stay in the back, but don’t make trouble or we will call the police on you and send you back where you came from.”

And so the child is born in a new land, a child born of humble immigrants who seek nothing more than life and hope for tomorrow. A child is born in a new land, and there is life and hope for a family. 

Many of us know this as the story of the birth of Jesus. It is also the story of the birth of the child of the immigrant today. 

Nostalgia

Tonight I watched Midnight in Paris, which is a movie starring Owen Wilson as a writer visiting Paris who somehow travels back in time via a time slip scenario into the Paris of the 1920s, and hobnobs about with Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemmingway and Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali and a bunch of other 1920s folk.  Like any movie set in Paris, the opening montage of Parisian scenery made me all squealy and sentimental.  Seeing repeated footage of Parc Monceau, where I passed many an afternoon reading and writing and people watching, actually caused me to abandon my pumpkin pie momentarily, leaving my fork hovering in midair while I went all reminiscent and sappy.  It takes a lot for me to abandon pumpkin pie.  But it's ironic that these opening scenes should cause such a rush of nostalgia, since that's actually a major theme of the film.

You see, Owen Wilson's character wishes desperately that he could have lived in Paris in the 1920s.  But once he ends up there, he meets a girl who finds the 1920s to be dull and wishes desperately that she could have lived in Paris in the Belle Epoque.  But of course, one can imagine that the people living in the Belle Epoque would have wished desperately that they could have lived in the Renaissance.  It's a pattern...looking for a Golden Age outside of our own.

I know I've definitely been guilty of such nostalgia...just look at my sappy reaction to those opening shots of Parisian streets.  When things get rough in my life, I immediately wish that I was back in Paris, wandering the streets with an ipod and a guidebook and being surrounded by beautiful architecture.  I forget all the times that being abroad was difficult, because memory makes everything all golden.  Take this quote from the film:

Nostalgia is denial - denial of the painful present...the name for this denial is golden age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one's living in.  It's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.


I think there might be some truth to this idea.  But that kind of escapism isn't just limited to thinking about the past.  Watching the movie put me in mind of another quote that really resonated with me in the past, from author John Green:

Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia...You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it.  You just use the future to escape the present.

Thinking on these things made me start to think about the present.  I'll admit, sometimes the present gets me down.  Advertisements bug me, news stories horrify me, and my own personal stress often makes everything seem like a big ball of weariness.  And so I'll escape off by thinking about other places, other times.  But here's the thing...we shouldn't not appreciate the present just because it's the present.  The present is remarkable.  In the present I can talk to my best friend face-to-face even though she's 500 miles away.  In the present I can sit comfortably inside a large metal contraption that flies through the air, reading a book and sipping a ginger ale, and be in an entirely new location in a matter of hours.  The present is full of things that would blow the mind of people of the past, and things are being created and written that will be sources of nostalgia for people in the future.

In my life of 23 years, I have traveled to 10 different countries.  I've stood in places where kings were born, where kings were imprisoned, and where kings were beheaded.  I've been educated for a whooping 19 years and am about to attain a masters degree.  I've read books by amazing authors and written things that have been sources of inspiration to others.  As a young woman, I sometimes think about how my daily life is filled with things that women in the past were not privileged with.  Even driving my car to and from work every day, I think about how "undignified" it would be for a woman of the 17th or 18th century to climb into a metal horseless carriage and go gallivanting around town at 60mph, completely unescorted no less.  It would be shocking.  I go to work in a church consisting primarily of Filipino people, and think about how the different cultures of the world used to be so closed-off from one another by vast geographical differences.  Even the grinding academic study to which I have devoted nearly my entire life would have been denied of me because of my gender in centuries past...and education is still denied of women in many countries.  I think of all of this, and I come to realize that, yes, my "present" is remarkable.

The moral of all this is simple: appreciate the past, acknowledge the future, but live in the present.  Appreciate the present for what it is.  Stop wishing for a different time, whether past or future, and know that the past was once present and the present will soon be past, and the future is nothing more than a present laying just beyond the horizon.

Still, if a carload of 1920s folk comes crawling down the street and they invite you to come along, I suggest you take them up on the offer.

Identity

For those of you who may not be aware, I have an online dating profile.  I'm not sure if I've made this fact explicitly clear on this blog before, but sufficient to say that I found I wasn't meeting many new people in my grinding routine of school-work-study, and figured that opening up new lines of communication wouldn't be a bad idea.  But all of this is irrelevant, except for the fact that it provides the context for my real purpose, which is to talk about identity.

I assume that all those reading this are aware that I'm a Christian, unless you just happened to stumble upon this blog via StumbleUpon or some other such web browsing tool.  Otherwise, all that talk about being in seminary and working at a church should have clued you in by now.  It follows, therefore, that in looking for a romantic interest, I look for Christians.  If you think this is closed-minded, that's a different conversation, but having a strong faith definitely tops my list of important qualities of a prospective Mr. Right.

So the other day, I receive a message from this guy.  Let's call him Roger.  The dating site that I use has a graduated communication thing going on, which allows you to get to know people informally and with minimal commitment via multiple choice questions and the like.  It's kind of cheesy, but it is super non-intimidating, and so I generally make it a rule to respond to the first questions that anyone sends me in order to give all would-be suitors a fair chance.  Glancing through Roger's profile, it looked somewhat promising...an unusually high number of references to Jesus, but hey, maybe he's just super open about his faith.  Not a bad thing.

So Roger and I progress through the first couple of steps of communication, and things are looking good.  But  almost immediately I start to realize that I really don't know that much about Roger besides the fact that Jesus is important to him.  And while that's cool, I'm going to need a bit more to go off of if we're going to determine romantic possibilities.  So I send Roger some questions to try and find out some more about him.  These questions include the following:

Besides your faith, what's something you're really passionate about?


What's an interest that you'd really like your partner to share with you?


Describe your ideal partner.


Again, forgive the cheese, but online dating lends itself towards cheesy-ness, and two of those questions were suggested by the site and fit my purposes well enough that I didn't bother to de-cheese-ify them.

Anyway, I was hoping that by sending such broad questions I might discover if Roger and I had anything in common besides our mutual affinity for Christianity.  Lots of directions to go from these questions, right?  Here are the responses I got back, paraphrased for content:

Besides your faith, what's something you're really passionate about?
"I can't really answer that question because my faith affects every area of my life...I'm passionate about everything because everything is for the glory of God."

What's an interest you'd like your partner to share with you?
"My faith in Jesus."

Describe your ideal partner.
"She would be a follower of Jesus, and be willing to submit to the will of God."

*headdesk*

Needless to say, I closed off communication with Roger after that day.  Because besides the fact that his answers were all incredibly vague, exceedingly stereotypical, and in the case of the first question, theologically unsound (are you sure "everything" is for the glory of God?  Even things like evil and racism and bigotry and hatred?  Sure you're passionate about "everything"?), the fact of the matter is that I don't want to date a Jesus drone.

As I was driving to work the next day, I was thinking about Roger's answers and how utterly ridiculous they were in the context of getting to know someone new.  Not that the sentiment behind them was bad...I mean, I'd also like to find someone who shares my faith in Christ, but I'd also like to find someone with whom I could share a love of travel, or of acting silly, or of music, or of something other than just Christianity.  I've met all sorts of people who are Christians and, believe it or not, I haven't automatically gotten along with all of them.  In fact, some of them have literally driven me crazy.  Just like people who aren't Christians come in all personality types, Christians also come in all personality types.  Your faith may define you, it may be the base of your identity, but it doesn't mean that that's all there is to it.  You're still an individual.

I feel like that's the beauty of the Christian faith.  God didn't create an army of Jesus drones - mindless cyborgs who wander about espousing random quotes of scripture to each other day and night.  No; God created individuals.  A whole bunch of unique, one-of-a-kind, never-seen-anything-like-it individuals.  And even better, God offered salvation to all those individuals in full celebration of their individuality - including their individual talents and their individual sins alike.  God doesn't require everyone to dress a certain way or look a certain way or act a certain way in order to follow Him.  Christianity is a come-as-you-are religion that, when taken on, should foster individuality and celebrate the uniqueness that God gives to every person.  Having a faith that defines you means that you define yourself by God's standards, which provide a constant state of renewal and freedom in Christ.  It does not mean that your individual self-hood is suppressed by your faith; it means that your uniqueness is elevated and celebrated and that you contribute to the world in a way that only you can, as God has planned for your specifically.

While the intent behind losing oneself in God is good (wasn't it some great saint who said "I must decrease, and God must increase"?), I don't think that Christians should be afraid of showing their individuality.  Nor do I think that name-dropping Jesus in every other sentence is the best way to make clear to a new acquaintance that your faith is important to you.  A true faith in God, a transforming faith, will shine through your actions and conversations in a way that is revelatory of God without being overbearing or disingenuous.  This kind of faith does affect all areas of one's life, but in a way that allows one's interests and goals and talents and weaknesses to shine for God in the way that is unique to every person.  If, as a Christian, you believe that God has a plan for your life (as we Christians love to say), then let God have a plan for YOUR life.  Let God have a plan for YOU.  Take that individuality that God gave you and celebrate it, cherish it...and use it to glorify God in a way that only you can do.

I mean, if God wanted an army of Bible-thumping C3PO's, God would have created one, right?

That Day When You Start Watching a Top Model Marathon...

...and subsequently get nothing done the rest of the day.  That was today.  Ironically, the marathon wasn't a marathon after all, but the daily 3-hour block of America's Next Top Model episodes that apparently airs while I'm usually at work or school or studying.  Oh, the wonders you discover while on winter break.  Anyway, after three hours of Top Model madness, it was pretty obvious that the day was going to be TV-centered, particularly since the weather outside quickly turned frightful, and television is so delightful in such circumstances.  (See what I did there?)

So throughout the day, I watched three episodes of America's Next Top Model, While You Were Sleeping, an episode of Friends, the same episode of Friends with DVD commentary, Love Actually, all the deleted scenes on the Love Actually DVD, and various portions of The Holiday.  But, I also took the time to make chicken and dumplings and shortbread cookies.  So it was not only a day of much television, but of much cooking.

Oh, and I also slept until noon.  Did I mention that?

Renewal.

Today was a day of spiritual revelation and rejuvenation.  It was good.  Nothing I particularly want to talk about on a blog, being somewhat private in nature.  But here are the songs that spurred today's reflection...

Its a Christmas SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!

Or so have I named this weekend at the church where I work, which has a Children's Christmas program and a Christmas choir concert this weekend in addition to the usual Sunday morning/afternoon events.  The kids' program was tonight, and it was all adorable.  Not the smoothest-running production, but adorable...kids in Santa hats and dressed as shepherds and dancing around and proudly declaring the sentence they've memorized.  It was definitely well-appreciated by the audience.  So much cuteness.

Tomorrow's going to be a very long day, with the usual Sunday morning work routine (eating fried rice with the elderly, participating in the morning devotional, sitting in on early Sunday School, worship service, teaching confirmation, serving kids lunch, leading kids in silly group games), plus the concert in the evening and post-concert "snacks" (which is Filipino for "large meal").  Can't believe Christmas is only a week away!

Sick Day. Again.

I called in sick to work today, and subsequently slept until 3:30 in the afternoon.  I think it helped...I'm feeling somewhat better, if not completely better.  And, I actually had an appetite tonight, which was very good because I went to dinner at this AWESOME seafood restaurant.

I know, I know..."What are you doing going out to dinner when you called in sick to work?" you say.  But let me explain the extenuating circumstances: these dinner plans were with one of my very good friends here, who will be leaving to spend Christmas with her family on Monday and subsequently be gone for a month.  So, this was my last time to see her until like the end of January.  And also, I'm out of leftovers and still lacking the energy/desire to cook anything new.  So out to dinner I went, even on my sick day.

We ended up going to McCormick and Schmick's, which is a fancy seafood restaurant at the fancy mall.  This came about because we were trying to go to an Italian restaurant in said mall, but the wait was an hour and a half.  So we ended up at the seafood restaurant, which would generally be out of my price range, but we didn't want to leave the mall and by NOT eating at the Cheesecake Factory last night after all, I actually wouldn't be spending any more than I would have spent on two dinners this weekend anyway (make sense?).  And the food was, of course, soooo good.  I had salmon stuffed with brie, blue crab, and shrimp, served with broccoli florets and mashed potatoes, and Miranda and I split a slice of red velvet cheesecake for dessert.  It was expensive, but it was all kinds of delicious and really good quality fish, of course, and a wonderful dinner to commemorate the first time I've had an appetite in about a week.

After dinner, I snuggled back on the couch and watched Coco Before Chanel, which is a French movie about Coco Chanel (obviously).  I saw this movie when I was studying abroad in Paris in 2009, but had trouble following all the French without subtitles...so, I recently found it for cheap on DVD, and bought it so that I could watch it with subtitles and really follow the movie.  Unsurprisingly, I enjoyed the movie a lot more when I fully understood what was going on...I enjoyed it the first time, too, but there's something to be said for linguistic comprehension.



(Even though we like linguistic comprehension, the French trailer is better, in my opinion...so for you francophones...)

Ehhhh...

The sickness continues.  I had to abandon a Cheesecake Factory outing with my Bible study friends tonight  because I just felt so bad.  Hoping it goes away soon...

But, before my cold came on full-force, I did have a fun Galleria outing with a friend today, and we saw this enormous Rockefeller Center-esque Christmas tree that reached up the four stories of the mall, in the middle of the ice rink:

It made me happy :)

Sick Day. Blah.

I woke up today with an awful cold...or rather, the awful cold that I've been successfully keeping at bay for the last two weeks, but which has finally caught up to me, with a vengeance.  Happily, since I'm on winter break and have nothing to inhibit it, I took a full-fledged sick day...lots of sleeping, lots of tea, lots of television.  The only reason I changed out of my pajamas (and into sweats and a t-shirt) was to be able to greet the Chinese food delivery guy in a semi-presentable state.  I find that egg drop soup always makes me feel somewhat better when sick, and as I was in no mood to cook I took the sick opportunity to splurge on some takeout (sesame chicken also made an appearance).

I'm planning to feel better by tomorrow - that is, I'm planning to not let a cold keep me from participating in the fun plans I have for tomorrow.  Besides, I think it may be the kind of cold that feels less horrible when you're up and moving around.  I base this on the observation that my walk to the mailbox was the best I felt all day.  So tomorrow will go on as planned, unless I wake up and just feel completely horrible.

It seems that everyone I know is getting sick too...must be the end-of-semester bug.  Hope we all feel better soon!

White Christmas

Slept until 12:30, went to Steak and Shake with friends, and watched White Christmas.  And that was that.  Oh, the joys of life without homework.

Wow.

Well my midpoint evaluation for my internship has concluded.  It went well overall, but was a bit intense at parts...had to bring into group discussion those personal flaws that I usually keep tightly hidden away.  At least I had a Christmas party to go to immediately afterwards - The Muppet Christmas Carol and peppermint bark with friends, and an impromptu showing of Fraggle Rock is a pretty good way to finish out the evening.

Well.

Work was challenging today.  As evidence to this fact, when I arrived home at 2:30, I promptly walked right into my bedroom, climbed into the bed, and remained there until 5:30.  I probably could have remained there until morning if I didn't have Bible Study at 7:30, which was actually really, really fun tonight.  Lots of laughter ensued.

A bientot.

Christmas Crafting!

I made a Christmas wreath!  Hooray!  This was my first go at wreath making, and I must say I think it was pretty successful :)

Yay!  For interested parties, I used this tutorial.  It was actually really easy to make...the hardest part was getting it to hang on the door properly, because I can't tie a pretty bow to save my life.

The general procedure was this:

Step One: Gather Materials...

Step Two: Wrap the wreath form in yarn.

Step Three:  Make a bunch of felt flowers (way easier than it looks)

Step Four: Stick all the felt flowers on the wreath.  And BAM!  A cozy soft Christmas wreath of happiness and joy!  Here's a close-up of all the flowers together.

Besides crafting time, winter break has also afforded me the ability to sleep late relatively guilt-free, watch substandard chick-flicks on television, and cooking dinner and watching Breakfast at Tiffany's at my friends' house.  This is definitely superior to study marathons.

Winter Break

Christmas time is here...

Happiness and cheer...

Fun for all...

That children call...

Their favorite time of year...

(The excitement about winter break has finally set in).

Yesterday, winter break felt anticlimactic.  But this morning, when I slept until 10:30 and felt completely guilt-free about it, I started to fully grasp the implications of winter break.  No homework...no reading...no papers (mostly)...no studying...for an entire month.  This is it, people.  This is winter break.  Yes, I'm still working...but I like my job, and my free time has increased exponentially with the removal of the studying quotient.  It's a beautiful thing.

So what did I do on my first official day of winter break?  I slept in, ate a pumpkin scone, watched three episodes of friends, went to Micheal's, ate some salmon and rice for lunch...and then I went to work.  Because I don't get a winter break from that.  But then, after work, I came back and spent the evening making a Christmas wreath with the things I bought at Michael's this morning.  It isn't finished yet, but it's coming along quite nicely.

I'm excited to have guiltless free time in my life again :)

Victory! And Hugo!

The semester is FINISHED!  I took my last final this afternoon, which went very well, I think.  Yay!!!!  I am now free from homework until mid-January.  It's exciting...but, to be honest, it's a bit anticlimactic considering that I'll be working, writing papers for my internship, and ideally trying to get ahead on work for next semester over winter break.  But at least most of the deadlines have been lifted, and I'll get to sleep in more.  So that's something.

Even though I'm feeling a bit sick, I was determined to celebrate the end of finals.  So, my friend Katrina and I set off for adventures tonight - those adventures being 1) Fuzzy's Tacos, 2) Taking Photos on SMU's Campus (Katrina is shooting engagement photos there tomorrow night and needed to practice camera settings), and 3) Going to See Hugo.  People.  That movie is sooooooo good.  It turns out it's actually historical fiction all about one of the first French cinematographers, Georges Melies.  That makes it sound nerdy, but it was really very, very well-done.  And very accurate too, it turns out, about the details of Melies's life.  It's worth going to see.  Inspirational and educational all in one.

Angel Trees

Yesterday I decided that I spend too much time online.  Blame it on finals procrastination or the fact that I live alone, but the truth of the matter is that too much of my days are spent mindlessly wandering about the internet.  It is a situation that I want to change, and a situation that affected the course of my entire day.

Perhaps that was a bit of a dramatic statement.  But it is nonetheless true.

You see, my standard morning routine is to get up, eat breakfast, and then turn the computer on.  But today I decided that, instead, I was going to turn the TV on...which, yes, is probably not much of a better choice.  Anyway, somehow I wound up watching the news (an unusual occurrence).  A couple of stories into the program, a reporter popped on the screen standing in front of an Angel Tree (one of those big Christmas trees covered in tags with names and wishlists for underprivileged families that you can pull off and shop for).  The reporter mentioned that, although the deadline for donating gifts is this Monday, there are still some 6,000 families in the DFW area that have yet to be claimed.  That caught my attention, but so did the fact that the reporter was "coming to me live from Northpark Mall," which is the swanky fancy mall about 5 minutes from my apartment.

And so I thought...I ought to go and adopt an angel.

So I texted my friend Miranda and told her my plan, and invited her to join in.  She enthusiastically agreed, and off we went to the mall.  I was shopping for "E. Raymundo," a 3-year old boy who needed a winter outfit and wanted a Spiderman toy.  Miranda picked a tag for a 9-month old, who needed tennis shoes and wanted a musical toy.  Let the shopping begin!

I've shopped for similar programs in the past, and I LOVE when I get to shop for little kids because I never get to shop for that kind of stuff (the woes of being a single and childless 23 year old...but not really, because I'm in grad school and also recognize that I don't actually want my own child at the moment, even if I wouldn't mind borrowing someone else's on occasion).  So we browsed through cute baby clothes and looked at all kinds of adorable toys, and, after four hours of shopping, ended up with the following: a red striped sweatshirt, a white t-shirt, black corduroys, and a stuffed Spiderman doll for my angel, and baby converses, socks, and a stuffed lion that sings and counts for Miranda's angel.  It took us a long time to find everything primarily because we never go in the shops that sell baby things, so we didn't know where we were going and our route was awful...we basically criss-crossed the mall five times throughout the day.  Our feet were absolutely killing us by the end of the day, but it was definitely worth it.

The other thing that I enjoyed about the day is that, like I mentioned earlier, Northpark is a swanky mall - the kind where your purchases come in paper bags with rope handles and tissue paper spewing out the top.  The anchor stores are Nieman-Marcus and Nordstrom, and a lot of the stores are designer boutiques like Oscar de la Renta, Burberry, and Betsy Johnson, besides the Tiffany and Co. that sparkles all shiny-like next to a small coy pond with live ducks.  I very rarely shop here because most of the stores are out of my price range, and I feel guilty buying expensive things for myself...but I feel less guilty buying them for other people.  In fact, it's hard for me to put a cap on spending in these kinds of situations, because I want to just keep putting more and more things in my bag to give to little "E. Raymundo."  And, once I start giving money to charities, I begin to realize just how much money I have compared to a lot of people, and that compels me to give even more.  So it was nice to walk around the mall carrying a bunch of bags, and knowing that almost all of them were going to a good cause.  And it's fun to think that a couple of underprivileged kids are going to have a winter outfit by Ralph Lauren and a stuffed lion from Nieman-Marcus.

As for me and Miranda, we had a great time: the mall was filled with groups of kids singing and playing instruments, and there's just something about helping kids have a good Christmas that puts you in a good mood.  And we didn't leave completely empty handed ourselves...we had lunch at P.F. Changs (where, by the way, you can get an ENORMOUS bowl of DELICIOUS wonton soup for just $8), and rewarded ourselves with a couple of Auntie Anne's pretzels after our shopping journey was complete.  I also went home with this little reindeer, who I saw at a Walgreens in St. Louis and fell in love with, but couldn't find in a Walgreens here in Dallas.  He was hiding in the back of a puzzle shop...it was like destiny for us to meet.

And that is how deciding to spend less time on the internet changed the entire course of my day.  Because of that decision, a couple of kids are going to have presents for Christmas, I got an intense mall-walking workout, ate delicious wonton soup, and found my little reindeer friend :)

Maybe you should spend less time online too...who knows what you might end up doing!

Food News

I did that thing tonight where I baked something from scratch.  It happens on occasion, and always results in my kitchen counter and my clothing being covered in flour, but also results in tasty homemade baked goods.  Tonight's baking adventure: pumpkin scones, with glaze and everything.  I followed this recipe, and it went very well.  That is, besides one ill-fated moment when I decided to use my hands to mix ingredients together instead of "stirring" and got the unexpectedly sticky batter (which had not yet become dough) all over my right hand, and felt a striking likeness to those guys covered in sea barnacles in the second Pirates of the Carribean movie.  There's an image that's not often associated with baking.  Anyway, after scraping the sticky batter off my hand with a knife (most of it, anyway), I tipped the batter out onto the counter and with the help of more flour kneaded it into actual dough, formed it into two circles, and cut it into slices because this is apparently how scones get shaped like wedges.  Somehow I always pictured them forming those little triangles by hand.

Then I set the pieces on a cookie sheet and brushed milk over the top, popped those babies in the oven for 13 minutes, whipped up a glaze of powdered sugar, milk, and pumpkin pie spice, and bam!  Pumpkin scones :)

They're all kinds of delicious.  The scones themselves aren't super sweet, but the sweetness of the glaze complementing the more subtle flavor of the bread just makes them taste heavenly.

In other food-related news, today I discovered that my inability to cook good rice is not because I'm a rice-cooking failure, but because I'm a rice-buying failure.  Inspired by my continuing association with Filipino people, I bought jasmine rice at the store today (as opposed to instant rice), and lo and behold, it was marvelous.  And, ironically, not that much harder than instant rice...same general procedure (boil water, pour in rice), it just takes 20 minutes instead of 5 minutes.  And I'm totally willing to wait an extra 15 minutes for really good rice.  For dinner I topped the rice with the remaining ratatouille and topped the ratatouille with goat cheese.  Let's just say it was a fancy and delicious dinner.  Even better, I improvised crock pot ratatouille to use up the remaining vegetables from the real ratatouille...it's obviously somewhat soupier than the oven version, but seems promising.  Looking forward to more tasty ratatouille/rice meals for dinner this week :)

And then I'm going to eat large quantities of chicken and dumplings, because I was feeling sick this morning and chicken and dumplings seemed like an appropriate sick-person food when I was making up my grocery list.  The recipe I have makes a ton of it, but at least I won't starve if snow flurries close down Dallas later this week.

Hooray for cooking!

Productivity.

Old Testament Final: Check.

Systematic Theology Final Study Guide: Check.

Memorizing Aforementioned Study Guide:  Not Check.  But that is ALL that I have left for the semester, aside from taking the actual exam on Thursday afternoon.  But two and a half days to memorize four essay outlines?  I can handle that.

I also had some delicious bananas foster french toast today.  If you live in Dallas, stop by Cafe Brazil and order some.  The service there may be horrible, but you can't deny that the food is good.  And, they have no problem with you sitting there for two hours armed with a laptop and a stack of theology books.  It's not my first-choice for a study location; that would be White Rock Coffee, but that was unusually crowded when I drove out there this afternoon.  Cafe Brazil was a good runner up, though.  It's not very often that I can get anything done there, since it's usually fairly crowded and loud, but today was a happy exception.  And it only took me two hours to finish the study guide that has been intimidating me for two weeks.  I'd give that a two thumbs up.

In celebration of overcoming the most difficult part of studying for my Systematics final in a timely fashion, I finished out the night by watching Across the Universe.  Always a good choice.

Pluggin' Along

Another day of work, a small reprieve from studying (excepting reading through my Old Testament notes for my final tomorrow afternoon).  Another day closer to being done with the semester.

Masarap.

Well today was rough, but I survived.  Let me walk you through it.

I woke up just as stressed out as I was when I went to bed, but lacking the ability to use sleep as a means of escapism from said stress  So instead I curled up on the couch and stared forlornly at my computer screen, took a shower, and watched some TV, before catching my friend Katrina on Facebook chat, and discovered that she was having a similar experience.  We decided that we both needed some moral support and to get out of our respective apartments, and formulated plans to go to White Rock Coffee (my I-need-to-study coffee shop of choice) and work on things together.  This was possibly the best idea we could have had.  I actually managed to finish my internship midpoint self-evaluation paper, which ultimately reached 16 mostly single-spaced pages for a grand total of 6,500 words (that's a lot, people).  It took a good 5 hours of work today to finish it, and another hour to proofread it.  It was a very draining essay to write because it involved a great deal of self-criticism and more reflection than any normal person likes to engage in.  In fact, the hour of proofreading effectively killed the happiness and relief that I felt upon finishing the actual writing of the paper, and when we left the coffee shop around 5:15 I was completely exhausted despite the Peppermint Mocha that had been consumed some three hours earlier.

Although I would have liked to spend the night curled up under a blanket watching mindless television, I fought my way through the rain to my mentor pastor's house for the church staff Christmas party that he and his wife were hosting tonight.  It was a stressful drive because the rain made the roads slick and the lanes nearly invisible, and there were massive puddles everywhere.  But finally I got to the house, offered my gift of a Christmas poinsettia to my mentor pastor and his wife, and settled in for a party.  Even though I was kind of out of it at first, this was actually very good medicine for my overwhelmed and stressed-out demeanor.  It turns out that a good recipe for stress relief is a mixture of Christmas carols, Filipino food, cute children, and general Christian community.  A couple of the women also taught me to speak some Tagalog, much to the delight of everyone who crossed my path throughout the night.  I learned four words in total: "masarap" (good/delicious), "maganda" (beautiful), "opo" (yes), and "bapo" (takeout/leftovers).  The spelling on that last one is questionable, but my knowledge of Tagalog quadrupled in this one evening.  I got sent home with a great deal of "bapo" (spring rolls, ham, fried chicken, black rice, sticky rice, and fruit salad), a big box of peanut butter M&Ms, and a pretty glass angel ornament.  It was a very re-energizing evening after a long day of studying.

So now I'm down to preparing for just two finals, one of which I'm not concerned about at all and one of which scares the bejeebers out of me.  But it will all be over come Thursday, and that is my shining ray of hope.

Also, last night I made "Ratatouille"'s ratatouille (as in, ratatouille based on the version created by the rat in the Disney movie), but was too stressed out to write about it.  Eggplant, zucchini, yellow squash and red pepper atop a bed of tomato paste with chopped onions, garlic, and olive oil, cooked in an oven and topped with goat cheese.  It was all delicious.  Here's a picture of it.  It's pretty masarap, and a bit maganda as well.

And, for fun, here's a song that I have been playing on repeat for most of the day.  Even though it has nothing to do with anything else in this post...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that about sums things up.  

Long, Weird Day.

Today was long.  And weird.  It was long and weird.

The morning started out bright and early, with me standing in the parking lot of the church where I work, waiting to meet other church members/pastors to go to a luncheon that I knew exactly this much about: 1) It was a luncheon.  2)  It was at a hospital.  But I was invited, and hence I went.  I was the youngest person in the room by roughly 30 years, and clashed horribly in my purple dress with all the elderly women in bright red blazers.  It turned out to be some sort of thank-you luncheon for people who had donated money to the hospital.  Not that I've ever donated money to the hospital...besides the two dollars I put into the offering basket when it came by our table.  But nonetheless, I benefited from the luncheon: watching a live musical performance by Randy Brooks, the composer of that classic Christmas hit, "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" (and that lesser known non-hit "Percy the Puny Poinsettia"), getting lectured by a hospital janitor about the importance of hand sanitizer after failing to use a paper towel to touch the paper towel dispenser (because I've never heard anyone talk about the importance of that before), and eating a Thanksgiving-style lunch (which was actually quite tasty).

Needless to say, it was an odd morning, if generally pleasant.

I didn't get back to my apartment until almost 2:00, at which point I was completely exhausted and begrudgingly took a brief nap before commitment #2 of the day: my theology school's Christmas chapel service, at 4pm.  I say begrudgingly, because the 2:00-4:00 time period should have been spent studying, but I was so tired that I just couldn't.  Nonetheless, I went off to the Christmas service, which was very well done and very innovative...and very long.  I mean VERY long.  VERY LONG.  As in, I expected it to last an hour, and it lasted for TWO HOURS.  Two hours is a very long time when you are very tired and sitting very close to a professor you only know by sight in a completely packed pew.  But it was truly a wonderful service, and I'm glad I went.  The singing was fantastic (and Kristen, you did wonderfully on your solo) :)

Then, I drove to my friends' house for dinner, which was also a VERY long trek.  It took me over half an hour, catching every stoplight imaginable and sitting through about three rotations of each one.  My friend Rachel left campus 15 minutes later than me and somehow managed to arrive before I did.  I guess I picked a bad route.  Anyway, by the time I arrived at the house I was starting to regret my decision of going to dinner there at all, but a Dr. Pepper woke me up a bit and then I actually had a very enjoyable evening (and got a bit of studying done before everyone arrived; the house is full of seminary students, who are also cramming for the end of the semester).  Dinner was fun, and there was much laughter - a common side effect when a bunch of totally fried brains sit down at a meal together.

When I finally got back to my apartment around 9pm, I realized that, some days, studying just isn't meant to happen.  Today was one of those days: it was too full of cheesy Christmas song composers, sitting around looking pleasant in large groups of people, and other generally lengthy events.  But, I realized today that I have no completely free days before the finals/papers start tumbling down, so it will have to happen soon enough.  Hoping a good night of sleep and a relatively uneventful work day tomorrow will get me back on track!


Note: The one on the right is the composer, who performed at the hospital luncheon this morning.  Like I said...weird day.