Things We Said in High School

In keeping with the reminiscent theme that the blog has taken as of late, I thought I would recall some specific moments, some specific words, that evoke my high school years.  In January of 2006, my senior year, I started keeping a "quote book" of funny things that my friends said.  I got the idea from my friend Colleen, who often included daily quotes in her Xanga posts (yeah, Xanga...remember that?)  Anyway, I thought I'd treat you all to a sampling of high school conversations...this should be interesting.

-Jessica: "I think it's creepy that God always knows what you're thinking.  That's an invasion of privacy.  Hasn't He ever read the constitution?"

(in Chem lab, trying to distract Jon so he doesn't bug Stephanie, who's doing a titration)
-Me: "So, where do you want to live when you're older?"
-Jon: "I don't know...I'd like to clear my own land like my parents did."
-Me: "What, like, a couple acres?"
-Jon: "Couple hundred."
-Me: "You gonna farm it?"
-Jon: "No...garden."
-Me: "Well, what is a farm but a very large garden?"
-Stephanie: "That's very poetic."
-Me: "Why, thank you!"
-Jon: "I don't get it."

(watching Corpse Bride)
-Jessica: "Hey, how does she have a butt if she's so skeletal??"
-Me: "I really don't think that's the point of the movie."

(in AP US History; Jon has just spilled pencil shavings all over his desk while he's taking notes)
-Jon: "Oh, crappio!!"
-Stephanie: "What did he just say?"
-Coach Clar (teacher): "It's best just to ignore him in these cases."

(in AP Chem)
-Mrs. Dotta (teacher): "So, who can think of a common household use for distilled water?"
-Stephanie: "Sea monkeys!!"
-Class: (stifled laughter)
-Student: "Irons?"
-Mrs. Dotta: "Yes, they use distilled water in irons to prevent the buildup of material residue...(exasperated mutter) sea monkeys..."

(in AP US History)
-Coach Clar: "During this time, we'll start to see a lot of dams being built.  D'you like saying that in class, Sean?  Dams?  Makes you feel important?  Makes you feel like you're getting away with something?"
-Sean: "Uh...no..."
-Jon: "HEY, it's like that joke about the fish!  Coach Clar, do you know that joke?  About the fish that ran into the wall?!?!"
-Coach Clar: "NOOOOOO!!"
-Jon: "OK, what did the fish say..."
-Coach Clar: "I can figure it out!!"

(at Sonic)
-Colleen: "Hey, this corndog really IS hot and delicious...just like me!!"

(in AP US History, discussing actors of the early 1900s)
-Coach Clar: "So, you have your Greta Garbos, and Marlon Brandos..."
-Student: "Audrey Hepburn..."
-Jon: "Oh, and Hugh Grant."
-Class: (laughter)
-Student: "Jon!!  He's an actor now!"
-Jon: "Oh...I always get him mixed up."

(at the Art Museum)
-Me: "I love African Art.  I really do..."
-Ashley: "What?"
-Me: "I love African Art, I really do."
-Nick: "Oh, I thought you said, 'African Art, foo foo.'"
-Ashley: "I thought she said, 'I have to go to the restroom.'"
-Me: "Apparently I need to work on my enunciation..."

(driving)
-Nick: "Why is my windshield all fogged up on the inside?"
-Ashley: "It's because I'm so hott.  My sexiness is just too much for this car."

(driving home from a Chinese restaurant)
-Me: "Did you just wave at the guy in that truck?"
-Hannah: "Yeah.  Chinese food does ca-RAY-zy things to you!"

(driving in the car)
-Hannah: "You know what happens every time I think of bananas foster?"
-Mom: "An angel gets its wings?"

(driving around)
-Jessica: "You know, I really don't know why people do drugs when we have marshmallows"

(watching The Da Vinci Code; a man has just been shot in the stomach)
-Jessica: "Ugh, that's a horrible place to get shot, too..."
-Me: "What, in the Louvre?"
-Jessica: "Uh, no..in the gut."
-Me: "Oh..."

(talking about every hairbrush Colleen's ever had)
-Me: "How do you have room for all this in your brain??"
-Colleen: "Well see, I push out all that unneeded stuff like AP Euro and Calculus..."

(in Chem lab)
-Stephanie: "OH  MY GOSH, you're burning the cord!!"
-Me: "Ah!!  Why didn't we notice it was on the hot plate?"
-Carl: "I thought I smelled something burning..."
-Stephanie: "I'll go get Mr. Mac..." (brings him back)
-Mr. McIlwee: "OK, go ask Mr. Strickland for some electrical tape, and don't let Jon near the hot plate anymore."
-Jon: "Hey, it's not my fault!"
-Stephanie: "Uh, yeah it is!"
-Me: "At least he knows how to pump soap...he doesn't squeeze the bottle like you did."
-Stephanie: (laughs) "Oh yeah..."
-Me: "Oh!  Show Mr. Mac how you tried to get the soap out!"
-Stephanie: "OK!  Mr. Mac, look!" (squeezes soap bottle)
-Mr. McIlwee: (to me) "Make blonde jokes, make short jokes, anything is appropriate right now."

...as you may have figured out, our lab group was pretty dysfunctional, and our AP US History class was occasionally less than productive.  But who doesn't like a little reminiscing, right? :)